Huddle Up....

It's time to get serious, people....

Remember that promise I made to myself and to the rest of you earlier this year?
The one about not eating fast food for a whole year?

Well, Becky reminded me of this recently (and Beck, I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier, but my kids published the comment before I could read it! I just discovered it last night!). We both thought a support group for Anti-Fast-Food-Eating -For-2009 would be immensely helpful (and somewhat necessary for those weak characters who can't seem to stick to anything for longer than three days without the threat of a support group to answer to if we mess up) (and I'm talking about myself, of course, not Becky!).

I have to admit...... I slipped. But not on purpose.

One day last week, I was far away from home, and I was faint from hunger and about to pass out (no kidding, my husband had to drive me so I wouldn't crash the car) and my blood sugar was about to fall off the chart so he went to McD's and got me an apple pie and a chocolate shake ...

...and he made me eat it.

Imagine the looks on people's faces as they passed our car in the McD's parking lot:
"Somebody, call the police! That man looks dangerous! He's holding her down ...wait, he's got something in his hand.... it's a pie! She's turning her head.....he's prying her mouth open..... And look....is that a straw? What's he doing.....is he shoving the straw in her throat??!!..... Good heavens to Murgetroid, somebody DO SOMETHING!!!"

Seriously.

So, I've had a few days to recover from the shattering experience, and now I have some practical tips on how to accomplish this feat for the year 2009. In the event of a moment of temptation, turn to one of these tips!


Tip #1: CHEW GUM


Instead of spending money on fast food, take the amount you would have spent and go buy yourself one of every kind of flavor of sugar-free gum you can find. Place the gum in strategic places, such as: your purse, the glove compartment of your car, the ash tray, under the driver's seat, in the back seat (where you usually dig to find loose change), or wherever. This way, when you're out and about and you find yourself overcome with hunger pains and you're surrounded by fast food restaurants, grab a piece of gum instead. This way, you'll give your teeth something to do, and fool your stomach into thinking it's getting what it needs.

(And chewing gum can take at least five years off your age -- seriously, how many old people do you know that chew gum?)


Tip #2: BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE, EAT AN APPLE.

Or an orange, or a banana. My personal fruit of choice is a good, crunchy Braeburn or Fuji apple. It's less messy, you can actually leave the house with it, and the core won't stink up your car like a banana peel will. An apple will fill you up and make you feel good about yourself that you are actually eating something healthy.


Tip #3: CALL A FRIEND
(What a cool couch!)

If I get a case of the munchies and I know that all there is in the house is a pan of brownies my daughter baked for FHE, I will pick up the phone and call somebody I can gab with. Again, this is a trick to keep your mouth busy doing something other than eating. Hopefully, if you're lucky, you can keep your hands busy making something healthy and nutritious to eat while you're talking on the phone! What a great way to multi-task!


Tip #4: LOSE YOUR APPETITE

This tip take some visualization practice.

If you are craving something like a hamburger, imagine this:

Not so appetizing in black and white, is it? The lettuce alone looks .... well..... disgusting. And the bun looks like a birdseed on a sponge or something used to exfoliate your skin. And the fries look like twigs that were plucked off a tree. And who would want to eat anything gray and black? Looks burned to me....

See how easy it is? Which brings us to another point: imagine the food you crave as something that is burnt. Not so tasty then....

(unless you happen to enjoy burnt marshmallows. In which case, I can't help you.)

Last but not least, the best way I know how to lose your appetite is to do something really physical like jogging. Or better yet, find a park with a merry go round and spin yourself sick.


Works every time.



So, put up your dukes, people! Join me and Becky in the battle against temptation and weight gain and irresponsible, spontaneous craving-satisfaction!

Hey, there's another tip: imagine the employee at the drive-thru window is Sugar Ray Leonard, and if you order anything but a salad, he's going to punch your lights out!